А вот кому катапульту, покупаем катапульту(TREBUCHET 'BERTHA'!!! CATAPAULT)

Известно, что кивосы народ веселый. Особенно та  их часть, что живет у себя на фермах и тлетворному влиянию городов не подверженна.

И вот смотрю я, trademe в поисках удобного шкафчика  для моей новой квартиры,  и что я вижу?

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Sports/Hunting-shooting/Other/auction-141522324.htm

КАТАПУЛЬТУ! Всего за 400 баксов! Создатель предупреждает, что нужно иметь участок не меньше мили длиной, и вообще относиться аккуратно. Запуск китайских свиней был опробован удачно! %:)

Ознакомьтесь, и особенно уданые комментарии и ответы на них, если совсем не понятно спросите в комметах - переведу.

 

TREBUCHET 'BERTHA'!!! CATAPAULT 

Current bid: $400.00
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Reserve met
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Closes: 55 secs

Minimum next bid: $
Auto-bid

OK now here we have something a little different! This is a beautiful weapon, designed around 1400AD and not much has changed except some of the component materials. I stupidly watched the History channel and this is the outcome...
The whole thing is about 10m tall at rest, it is made of various stuff, the main shaft is a 3 inch solid stainless prop shaft (thanks to GMS) and the end 4.5m of the throwing arm is a carbon fibre. the counter weight is made of 2 Cat drive wheels and the main arm is a digger arm. The 2 posts are concreted into the ground 2 metres deep so you will need to find 2 new posts!
so what i am selling is everthing but the posts, although i will cut them off at ground level so you can have the top 4m.
I have sold my farm and the buyers arent that keen on it so it has to go, but JEEEEZE its FUN!!
If you have a section less than a mile long dont bid! and you MUST COLLECT!

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Questions and answers

 

EXCELLENT!!!! What have you thrown with it? Dairy cows, nagging wife, etc...lol? I would bid but only have a quarter acre. Nice job, good luck with the auction. Regards, Roy.  posted by: sly_fox74 (117 )  5:44 pm, Tue 19 Feb

thanks Roy, well I threw a china pig once, but i have to admit that the first time I built it I was so excited to have a go and the only thing at hand was my hammer, so I hooked it in (not thinking it would work) and the hammer went into orbit!! its probably still flying so look out down there! it will throw a 8 KG rock around 500ft but still fine tuning!! 6:00 pm, Tue 19 Feb

HI, any chance of viewing please..... awsome I have just the spot for it and you could still come and play with it. Roger on 0275355770  posted by: judewin (13 )  4:37 pm, Wed 20 Feb

sounds good mate, chat soon.cheers 5:04 pm, Wed 20 Feb

Hi Mate.How far will it throw a 10 stone mother inlaw.Im only on a smallish section but I dont mind if she lands in the next town,as she will be blindfolded at the time,so she wont find her way back.Regards Pete.  posted by: peter561 (1174 )  11:03 pm, Wed 20 Feb

Its Max rating is for a 9 stone mother inlaw. can you cut her in half first? 10:40 am, Thu 21 Feb

That sounds good mate,as I can remove her jewellery,that would be around a stone.One other thing,can it be dismantled easy to hide the evidence,as the town she may land in will be P_ss_d to gain another mother inlaw.  posted by: peter561 (1174 )  11:17 am, Thu 21 Feb

It can be folded away in around 30 secomds and fits in a back pocket, very discreet. I am actually just sending it off for its '100th mother inlaw hurl' service so will be tickety boo when you get it. 8:19 am, Fri 22 Feb

God I love people like you. May you have many children.  posted by: mikeloder (63 )  9:28 pm, Fri 22 Feb

yeah well with all that rape and pillage stuff...probably have a few. good on ya mate 10:28 pm, Fri 22 Feb

Does this come with a complementary viking helmet for those who may be silly enough to stand downrange?   posted by: kiwigrower (41 )  10:53 pm, Fri 22 Feb

You would deserve to die if you were that dumb! 5:20 am, Sat 23 Feb

Isn't that what happened to the original vikings? WHat are you going to build next? a portable roman "mule"?  posted by: kiwigrower (41 )  10:38 am, Sat 23 Feb

I was thinking I may build a bigger one, this is my second and so far they seem to be doubling in size....the fourth one might see George W Bush send over Hanz Blix!!! 6:28 pm, Sat 23 Feb

how hard is it to dismantle and put back together? will i need a crane?  posted by: hopies (89 )  5:27 pm, Sat 23 Feb

yes I built it using a crane truck and thats how I will dismantle it, but I dont think they had Nissan crane trucks back in 1430 AD so it must be possible to do without? best thing to do is to buy it - then work it out! 6:27 pm, Sat 23 Feb

Could it be adapted to take a bale of silage so I don't create dust clouds every time I feed out? Oh and how far could it project a politician bearing in mind its an election year?   posted by: 20-17 (17 )  11:00 pm, Sat 23 Feb

You can throw anything you like! 7:45 am, Mon 25 Feb

Thats cool.. Have you got a Youtube video of it in action ?  posted by: demigod (282 )  2:08 pm, Tue 26 Feb

I have a video of it in full swing but wouldnt have a bloody clue what youtube is? (I dont think they had youtube in the 1400's - people were more fertile then!) 11:12 pm, Tue 26 Feb

Hi, do you think this could be used as a spreader, like, if I was to put the contents of the floor of the chookhouse on the delivery end, would it spread it well across the paddocks?? Seriously tho, Great auction, good luck :-) Di  posted by: flyingkiwichick (135 )  11:15 pm, Tue 26 Feb

thanks 1:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Now this is the sort of thing everbody needs in the back yard. I love it ! I thought the one shown on Top Gear throwing a car was fantastic. Unfortunately I don't have a big enough back yard, but it's almost worth buying a farm just to put this on. Good luck with the auction...  posted by: gazza1234 (13150 )  8:21 am, Wed 27 Feb

thanks gazza - you should still buy it. 9:20 am, Wed 27 Feb

bro...thats awesome lol  posted by: 1-spider-pig-1 (5 )  9:45 am, Wed 27 Feb

cheers mate. 1:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

If you contact Tame Iti he will buy now to add to his base camp in the Ureweras ;)  posted by: jeffk1 (187 )  12:41 pm, Wed 27 Feb

hmmmm, well he can bid like anyone else. 1:21 pm, Wed 27 Feb

IS THAT TO THROW A BIGG STONE, WIFE, BOSS, WH==OT IS THAT FOR?? PLZZ VERY CURIOUS TO KNOW.  posted by: manu_nz (7 )  12:53 pm, Wed 27 Feb

no its an old style food mixer, designed especially for making pavlova 1:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Very Cool! We have a lot of stray cats the neighborhood.... Do you think an automatic firing mechanism could be easily fitted to the machine, triggered from something the weight of say, oh, I dunno - a cat maybe?  posted by: traindriver (175 )  2:33 pm, Wed 27 Feb

first pussy in sapce? that kind of thing? You could give it a go but if you do there are apparantly some problems with re-entry, ask your cat loving wife. 6:13 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Not intrested in the Catapult to much like temptation with the mother in law but am keen on those really sexy shoes.  posted by: timmo7 (14 )  2:51 pm, Wed 27 Feb

everybody knows you cant drive a 'Treb' with incorrect footwear. 6:11 pm, Wed 27 Feb

could you please txt yr number to me 027 2921414  posted by: andrut (24 )  3:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

yup 6:14 pm, Wed 27 Feb

You're famous!!! - Just heard this on Newstalk 1ZB. This is completely nuts. I love it! Good on ya mate & good luck with your auction. Robert. :)  posted by: rta777 (197 )  3:42 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Jeeze about time those sad bastards talked about something worth yaking about! 6:15 pm, Wed 27 Feb

If I win, will you throw in a pair of crocs like the pair you're wearing?  posted by: gweedo82 (27 )  3:48 pm, Wed 27 Feb

bugger off, buy your own 6:15 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Bloody brilliant mate. You should be able to build it using the same technique as they used to put Stonehenge together.Just need to find thousands of slaves.  posted by: thegremlin (18 )  3:59 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Ive got it pointing at Australia at the moment, just incase those cheeky buggers try and paddle over here again. 6:17 pm, Wed 27 Feb

I wonder if this will be outlawed as the fun police from the labour party will surely see this of influencing young minds? Actually I was just thinking, our Army could do with this. It would probably be our most reliable means of defence. Have you contacted the Ministry of Defence to bid for it?  posted by: wolfofsorts (259 )  4:49 pm, Wed 27 Feb

no but thats a great idea. But for crying out load dont tell the Waikato D.C. those miserable civil servant buggers (who are neither civil nor serve) will no doubt require me to have a thousand licences to have one of these. although I can assure you its (almost) OSH & ACC approved. 6:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

seeing petrol keeps going up thought i could use it to get me to work ontime  posted by: katikatikid (93 )  6:04 pm, Wed 27 Feb

so long as you work in the top floor of a very tall building. 6:21 pm, Wed 27 Feb

I say GO FOR THE BIGGER VERSION SOON AS..needs to seat the present government ,enough room for several sheep so they don`t get bored on the journey, and launch the buggers into space.(or over to Aussie).  posted by: thegremlin (18 )  8:01 pm, Wed 27 Feb

yeah like your thinking. as David Lange would agree: us sending our entire Govt to Australia would increase the IQ of both countries!! 8:40 pm, Wed 27 Feb

This must be the coolest thing i have ever seen on TM - pity we have such a small section - though the range of it would just about shoot my husband down to the pub at the end of the road, save me running him down there in the car ha ha  posted by: parana2 (204 )  8:21 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Poor bastard 8:41 pm, Wed 27 Feb

I can't believe the new owners do not want this!! It would be the selling point if I were the buyer. Well done, now you just need to hook up with the dude from Tokoroa who was building a ICBM!! JB  posted by: nikjo (422 )  8:32 pm, Wed 27 Feb

yeah 9:38 pm, Wed 27 Feb

A thought, what aboyut a Trebuchet Party before Bertha's goodbye. We could all bring our Mother-In-Laws. Seriously, couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon. Say, does it do authentic flaming fire balls? JB.  posted by: nikjo (422 )  8:35 pm, Wed 27 Feb

we all sat around and got pissed ( well only a little bit) and decided fire balls would be the go, we tore up rags, saoked them in diesel and wrapped them around rocks - lit them and WWOOOOOFF off they go, the noise was AMAZING but every one would blow out with the speed it reaches? any ideas? maybe napalm eh? 8:39 pm, Wed 27 Feb

This machine is flamin brilliant mate ...you,r a LEGEND ..! Do you think could fit Helen Clark and Cullen both in it and ame it for Raglan harbour ... i know it,s a long shot ... BUT jeeeez you,d be a REAL LEGEND  posted by: tem (33 )  8:50 pm, Wed 27 Feb

AND WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST THE GOOD FOLK AT RAGLAN!! 8:53 pm, Wed 27 Feb

looks like you've got yours going better than ours we have got one thats 6m to the pivot point but the arm keeps breaking  posted by: angela21 (165 )  8:50 pm, Wed 27 Feb

hey we need to talk 8:55 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Gotta be the best auction I've ever seen on here..and yup you are famous..mentioned in despatches on 3 of the most popular websites in NZ (apart from TM of course). Nice one  posted by: 20-17 (17 )  8:53 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Oh yeah? cool. whats the web sites? always wanted to be famous! 8:54 pm, Wed 27 Feb

our phone number 068556807  posted by: angela21 (165 )  9:13 pm, Wed 27 Feb

nice 9:19 pm, Wed 27 Feb

is it osh approved , or did you just send them on thier way , so to speak ???  posted by: selfpower (950 )  9:15 pm, Wed 27 Feb

no its fully signed off......yeah right 9:19 pm, Wed 27 Feb

lifestyleblock.co.nz nzdating.co.nz and RD1s website  posted by: 20-17 (17 )  9:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

cant imagine what they are saying on the NZ dating one!! 9:39 pm, Wed 27 Feb

whats the chances of getting the ird on the end of that, wouldnt mind throwing those bastards to timbuck two  posted by: noorty (45 )  9:35 pm, Wed 27 Feb

wouldnt want them loose in the atmosphere would we? but Im with you, bring them on down and we can have a go 9:38 pm, Wed 27 Feb

Hey buddy. They just recently passed an anti-smacking law. I didn't see anything about an anti-trebuchet law? Does this mean I can use it to beat my children?  posted by: nzpages (50 )  10:07 pm, Wed 27 Feb

you may have to check that one with your local magistrate 11:36 pm, Wed 27 Feb

this is so cool we have tried to put one of these together with the scouts but using timber and lashings you have given me some ideas  posted by: lx4000 (207 )  10:20 pm, Wed 27 Feb

you be careful lashing scouts with timber. no really its a great thing for young minds, its adventure, learning, team spirited and bloody good honest fun. So its bound to be illegal 10:30 pm, Wed 27 Feb

I heard the rumor that the yanks ailing satellite was hit by a high flying cow or mother in law (they are still trying to catch some DNA to sort it), and that was what destroyed it....  posted by: metallix (156 )  11:32 pm, Wed 27 Feb

dont look at me 11:34 pm, Wed 27 Feb